lizz; a boob.

Christians secretly love the f-word.

how needs a haircut?
i do! i do!!!

should i go short again?
i duno! ahhh!!! (prolly not)

guess what! it's been a year! (june4)
i'm married now!

Where is Lizz?

p.s. everyone- i accidentally got drunk yesterday morning at 8 am.

life is hard sometimes.
but it's raw and honest.
what determines my worth?
my boyfriend? or my God?
who do i live for?
me? or Him?

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
Matthew 11:28-30

every once in awhile.
i'll forget who i am.
i'll forget what i want and what i'm doing.
not in the amnesiac sense.
but in a weird, distant and coldplay type of way.
it's like i'm not in my body.
i'm not in anything really-
i'm just observing and it's all objective.
i'll want to be alone.
i'll want to go away.
i'll want to run away.
sometimes it's because life gets too hard.
sometimes it's because i get too difficult.
right now it's because of something different.
something i didn't think would happen.
something everyone told me would happen.
i really am a difficult person sometimes.
i don't even know what's going on in my head.
it's like it's never enough for me.
i just want to be alone sometimes.

i freakin' want a bunny.

i'm going home
may 13th--30th.
back by june 1st to work full time
with the kiddies.

who's going to be in town?
and whaat are your summer plans? TELL MEEE

this picture shows you three things.
1. my hair
2. my room color is canary. wuut? no thnx
3. i'm anemic.

( bigger + more pix of mpls )

i'm blond now.
like- omg.

i'm so ready for this semester to be over.
research papers like woaaaaaaaaah.

that's what i get changing to a real major. :)

i am coming home for spring break.
that is the week after msu's spring break.
i won't have my car- but i plan on being in E.L.
i want to see you :)

it is true.
i am NOT who i once was.
for so long i've wanted to be her again.
but that is not who He wants me to be.
He wants me to be someone new.
I want to be someone new.
new loves, new passions, a new life.
moving, growing, changing.
life is starting to make sense.
and i'm falling in love all over again.

"so we are born
and we die.

and in between...
we are ALL...
chasing daylight."
-erwin mcmanus

What I love most about rivers is:
You can't step in the same river twice
The water's always changing, always flowing
But people, I guess, can't live like that
We all must pay a price
To be safe, we lose our chance of ever knowing
What's around the riverbend
Waiting just around the riverbend

Pocahontas, you are so wise.

I took a chance, embraced the change.
At the risk of being cheesy-
I'm still waiting to see what's
"just around the riverbend"
:)

it's really weird.
today was my first day of classes-
i kept walking around expecting to see
you guys- my friends- people i knew.
but i didn't.

i made some random friends at lunch though.
and last night i got invited to watch 24
with some guys. and girls.

i do miss you all though.

brandon thought i died and went crazy.
but i'm alive.
my phone is just broken.
:(
so i need your numbers again.

minneapolis is a very cool city.

God.
What happened to me? I used to be someone different,
I used to be someone better.
I'm just a memory of who I used to be.
A shadow of someone once so alive.
Why do I feel like I'm in pain? Like I'm tired of life?
Most of the time I just feel like a failure.
Like I used to have all these goals and ambitions and now-
I'm a ghost.
What am I living for?
It hasn't been God lately.
It hasn't even been me.
I am NOT.
I'm not anything.
God are you making me less?
Are you making me nothing?
Are you breaking me? Are you breaking my heart?
Because I'm broken and if it's not you I don't know who it is.
I need you God, I need me.
Where am I? Where did Lizz Kim, joy of the Lord go?
Zion?
Is that where Lizz is too?
I'm a shadow of the past.
I feel invisible. Lonely.
I feel as if I'm replaceable.
I feel naked and afraid.
I'm Eve in the Garden of Eden.
I want to hide.
WHY?
Where are these feelings even coming from?
Why am I grieving?
I'm mourning for the dead Lizz Kim.
I just want you God.
Nothing else.
Nothing makes me whole, complete.
Nothing else makes life worth living.
Bring me back from the dead.
Bring me back to that place.
I want to live for You.
I want to die to me.
I am dead to me.
I am to the world.
Who am I?
I am not.

bf is gone.
cried like a baby yesterday.
sobbed rather...
gasping for air- face all wet.
yeah...not pretty.

"love is real.
it is not.
just in novels or the movies.
it is fact
and it is standing here
right in front of ME."

the weekend was great though.
got a couples devotional to study.
leaps and bounds.
pimps and hos.
*sigh*

my phone isn't working.
leave a message if you call.
new phone comes in 1-2 business days!!!

ok ok. I'm done being crazy.
I mean I'm still crazy.
But there's no point in being crazy.
CRAZY crazy I mean.




( what's going on here??? )

B-dan is coming today!!!!
Is it normal to be nervous?
My heart is beating fast-
I feel a little bit silly. :)

okay.
I'm a little melo-dramatic.
Maybe I'm not moving in January.
But I will be moving.
And I still dropped those classes.
And I'm still switching...

I have to fix stuff with my fam first.

I dropped 3 of my classes.
I'm getting a job.
I'm moving in January.
I'm switching to photography.
And it's NOT about him.

((but he is coming on Friday.))

Here's what I'm going to do.




DIE.



the end.